A Piece of My Mind

The following post is a jumbled up look at what has been going on in my mind for the past few months. It is not always pretty.

It all began back in January, when I read this interview with a seller on Etsy named "Poor Pitiful Pearl". In the year 2011, her shop was the second most clicked upon. That is astounding when you realize that there are ten million users on Etsy. If you don't know what Etsy is, go check it out. It is big. It is a marketplace for artisans, designers, crafters, and the like.

After reading about her life as a stay at home, homeschooling mom and seeing her unabashed love for God reflected even in her business, I began to get excited. Really excited. What inspired me the most, was that she is doing what she loves, keeps her priorities of family first, and sees her business as a ministry. She gives ten percent of her profits to an orphanage in Mexico. Add to that a really funky and unique style and she's on my list of cool people to hopefully meet someday.

Go read her profile here. I cried. You probably won't, but I did. I blame it on having lots of babies, or something like that.

{one of her items that I would totally buy!}

 I told you that I got really excited. Well, I did.

I began to dream about selling my jewelry again and really becoming successful at it. I began to dream about including the girls and teaching them the life skills that come from owning your own business. I wrote up the rough draft of a business plan. I opened a new Etsy shop (that has nothing in it). I opened a Twitter account. I began cleaning up my blog posts and tagging them so that they are searchable (it's all about social networking, ya know!). I began getting out my jewels and playing with them again. I found a solution for a design/work space.


And then, about a week later, reality hit.
What was I thinking?!
I have five children. Poor Pitiful Pearl Wonder Girl (this is not meant to be a dig, she really IS cool and genuine) has two. She also has way more business experience. I am an amateur.
One of my five children is a baby who needs (loves, deserves) a lot of attention. All of them do, really. But baby can't just go entertain himself for thirty minutes like the others can.


Jump back to the first item on my business plan, which was to decide upon and begin implementing a daily schedule. And that brings me to the next reality bite.


My days are chaotic. I spin my wheels in this area because, well, probably fear of failure. You know I want it to be perfect THE FIRST TIME I do it. Whatever.
I guess I'm afraid that if I get my days all planned out that I'll be constantly tweaking it for the rest of the year.
So, because I feel out of control in this area, I do the one thing I CAN control.
Clean.
Yep. We clean a lot. It is rather dull to always be cleaning.


This brings to mind a third piece of reality that I believe IS changing this year, by the grace of God!
Perfectionism.
There is a drivenness behind perfectionism that, I have begun to believe, is based in, take a wild guess ... fear. I'm not sure what the fear is behind this, could be a fear of what others may think? Still chewing on that one.


Then there is the fourth smack of reality. Since we have no real sense of order to our days, schooling comes in spurts. Right now, I think I really suck as a home school teacher. My oldest basically schools herself because she is a voracious reader, but lacks in subjects such as math. My Oli is struggling to be a confident reader because her mother isn't taking the time to work with her on it. My wild child could care less to join the schooling craze, but she does know her letters, by golly. She must've learned 'em from Starfall The three year old is content to just go along with the flow, although, he REALLY wants to work with tools out in the garage which can't happen when daddy's not around. Plastic tools don't fool him! And me? Well, I sit around nursing a baby and making meals and cleaning up after our meals. Oh, and spend quality time on facebook and Pinterest. And try to be a thoughtful wife too.


The biggest reality of all that I have had to face, is my selfishness. Add to that, laziness.
I have been slapped in the face by the realization of it! I would rather sit around and be served by my children than be a servant to them. I see them as a bother rather than a joy. They interrupt my quiet and peaceful existence. Sounds rather selfish, don't it.


Well, I'm gonna shout "HALLELUJAH!" now that I've seen it clearly. Because now I can change. Be changed.
I have not loved my children without requirement. BUT...
I have been loved without requirement, and this changes everything, when I let it in.


Another thing that changes everything, is  g r a t i t u d e.
I see the word "attitude" (minus a 't') peeking at me. An attitude change comes when I choose to choose JOY. Honestly, that statement has always irked me in a deep-down-get-under-my-skin-kinda-way. Mainly because I could never get it. I didn't know how to choose it. Now, I see.


I see that I have been given a voice and that voice must not be kept silent.
When I sing songs infused with God and His Spirit, He dwells and abides with me, in me, all around me. Sometimes His presence is almost palpable. It is definitely catching. When my children hear me sing, whether out of joy or desperation, they join in. Then something in the air begins to clear.


My head clears too. Even in the writing of this, I see that I have not really taken the time to ask, seek, knock. I keep trying to do this alone. I keep yearning for wisdom, but not believing that I will be given it. So double-minded of me.


"If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all men liberally, and reproaches not; and it shall be given him.
But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavers is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed.
For let not that man think that he shall receive anything of the Lord.
A double-minded man is unstable in all his ways." {James 1:5-8}

Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief!

I also see that I must become a vigilante against the doldrums. I usually spin into the dullness by not watching my thought life. There was a reason for the verse that states, "bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ" {2 Cor 10:5}


The battlefield is in the mind. As soon as I begin to accuse myself, like believing that I really suck as a homeschooling mom, which then leads to believing that I really suck as a mom, I agree with my Accuser. I would rather disagree with him, wouldn't you?


Maybe by the end of the year I will be able to pick up my business plan.
But for now, I exist here, learning, growing, stretching, being transformed, in this place called wife and mother. It is a good place.

~ christa jean

DIY: Hot Air Balloon Mobile

Lately, I've had my eye on hot air balloons. There is something so whimsical and almost magical about them. They make me think of dreams come true.

Look! This one, you can buy for ONLY $1,875!

Or not. But it is stupendous, is it not?!

I.love.rainbows.

And that's that.

This is the mobile that peaked my interest at first.

I stood there in that posh little baby boutique and just stared at it.

I like to look at an item and try to figure out how I too could make the same thing.

I looked at it longingly. I looked at it lovingly.

I looked at it long enough to know that I could not make cute little hot air balloons that looked like that easily or cost effectively.

Sigh.

But, then I saw this hanging just a few feet away.

And, I had an idea.

"The Grinch had a wonderful, awful idea."

(Well, sometimes I can be a Grinch.)

I bought this picture hanging mobile right then and there.

You can find it on Amazon for a way better price than what I bought it for!

Wish I had thought of that!

My idea was to print out a template of a hot air balloon and use some fabulous papers to create my own fabulous mobile.

Here is a list of the supplies I used:

~ picture hanging mobile

~ any picture/template/vector of a hot air balloon, printed out for tracing purposes

~ pretty papers, paint chips, wall paper, etc. (I couldn't resist glitter paper)

~ paper letters

~ laminator with pages (optional, I wanted my paper to be sturdier)

~ exacto knife

Items not shown (oops!):

~ glue stick

~ small eye hook (for hanging mobile from ceiling)
~ some fishing line (to attach to eye hook if you want a lower hanging mobile)

I printed out my template in three different sizes, and began tracing and cutting. I glued papers together so that there would be interest on both sides.


I wanted to have my boys initials floating amongst the balloons also.

"E" for Eliot. "I" for Isaac.

And "Bb" for big brother, little brother. ;-D

I.love.laminators.

Seriously. I want to laminate everything.

Flying high!

My baby loves to stare up at this and that makes me happy.

This project was so very simple and inexpensive. I only paid for the picture hanging mobile.

I will honestly tell you that this project took me three days.

I know!

It's because I have five kiddos, y'all! one being a five month old! I don't have a lot of uninterrupted time. But it was still fun.

The great thing is, I can change it up whenever I want! There are so many options.

What about colorful paper airplanes? Or birdies? Or origami shapes? Or pom poms...

What would you hang from it?

~ christa jean ~

A Vintage Christmas

Everyone needs a white Christmas tree. Just my opinion, really.

But, ain't it so cute?

The ironic thing is that we bought all of these old ornaments at a garage sale. A garage sale in Shelton. We didn't even live in Shelton, nor had ever entertained the notion that we might someday live here. We were visiting my in-laws and we just happen to like bargains. We spent probably $3 on the ornaments. I LOVE me a deal!

Sweet little handmade doll. Tacky plastic ornament. So cool.

Cute, and kinda kooky, little choo choo.

Vintage glass balls in apothecary jars. I like apothecary jars. A lot.
I finally got around to papering the back of my hutch. I found this damask paper in the dollar section of Target and I think it looks FABULOUS! Thanks to Colleen, my fellow bargain-lovin' friend, for the tip!

I like it so much, I may keep it up all year. Or, maybe just a loooooong time, 'cause it was a pain in the patookie (whatever that is) to put up.

Bling for the drawer.

Found these glass door knobs at Anthropologie for 10 bucks for the pair. Did I say I LOVE me a good deal?Happy Christmas!

~ christa jean ~

Much Afraid

"There is no fear in love;

but perfect love casts out fear:

because fear has torment.

He that fears is not made perfect in love."

{1 John 4:18}

FEAR. That nasty beast.

I referred to it in My Birth Story ~ 2011. I do not like it. Rather, I despise it with a deep loathing. It can be as blatant as a sense of terror in the night, or it can masquerade as a "what if?" thought. It can come as an overwhelming sense of stress, or hide behide the mask of perfectionism. It can be anxious thoughts that you can't see past, or a feeling of dread or foreboding. Whichever form it chooses, it seeks to dominate.

Thankfully, there is One who is greater than fear. He despises our enemies even more than we do. In gentleness, He comes and reveals the things hidden in darkness, so that we may be free from those dark tyrants. The Holy Spirit holds the key to unlock the doors that open into the recesses of our minds. Those are the places that need the truth. He guides us into all truth, if we are willing.

Just over one year ago, I began to notice a strange fear in my dear Oli. She would get up to leave in the middle of a movie if she knew, or thought there might be any blood. She had made comments in the past about not ever wanting to have children. How sad this was to me. I didn't understand why. One day I asked her what was the reason? She said, because of the blood in childbirth. I began to ponder what may be the cause of this irrational fear. It began to really concern me. I didn't even pray about it, really, but God knew I needed an answer. In an instant, a picture, a memory, came to the forefront of my mind. I was taken back to a time in her life when we were having tests done on her. She needed bloodwork done, but because of her young age, the pediatrician wanted her strapped into a "papoose board" to avoid her thrashing legs as he drew four vials of blood.

I can still see in my mind's eye, the absolute terror in her eyes as she screamed. She didn't understand what was going on. Maybe she wondered why I wasn't helping her. That trauma opened the door to fear, as traumas usually do. The fear from that trauma was manifesting itself in her life as a fear of blood.

I knew what I needed to do. I needed to pray for her and rebuke that spirit of fear off of her in the mighty name of Jesus. Also, praying healing over the trauma in her memory. I spoke scripture over her, "For God did not give you a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind!" {2 Timothy 1:7} I helped her forgive the doctor for strapping her down. Even though she didn't really remember that, it had still affected her mind.

Do you believe prayer works?

Guess what happened? She began to get very interested in being a doctor. She bought her own first aid kit from the dollar store and carried it around with her at all times, adminstering bandages to any little scratch. She asked for a "doctor kit" for Christmas.

That fear of blood is totally gone now, thank You, Heavenly Father. She asks me all the time if we can adopt an orphan someday. I see now how the enemy of her soul wanted to pervert or even steal a gifting of hers. Maybe someday, she will be a doctor at an orphanage in a foreign country, giving of her life to those in need.

All because the truth was revealed.

~ christa jean

DECOR8!

I would have to say that decorating is on my "top five" list of things I love.
That list would probably look something like this:

1. God
2. Husband
3. Family
4. Decorating
5. Baths

Hmm... there's no room for sushi in that list. Or friends. Or sushi with friends. Might have to tweak it a bit.

Anyhoo, here's a few more pics for ya! You could call this our "New House Tour."

{The Master Bedroom}

This mirror used to be gold, but I have a secret (or not so) love affair with spray paint and couldn't resist. I think the new dark teal colour is fabulous. Of course, the picture doesn't show the true colour. It looks black.


The bed. I guess I like throw pillows, because every chair and empty surface in my house has a pillow on it. The pillows on the bed are not complete yet. Mainly because I found what I thought to be a set of king sized shams at Ross. When I got them home, it was one sham. What a shame! I really like that sham! It was on clearance, so I called back at the store to try and locate the match. Nada. Tried another Ross nearby. Nada. Commenced searching online. Nada yet. But I will persist. I know it's kinda silly, but I just want one room to be finished! I did score on the shiny pillows in the foreground. I found two of those pretties at the GW for six bucks each. They still had the "Linens and Things" price tag on them. Can you believe they were marked at $39.99?

I've had my eye on these velvet shades at IKEA for a while now. Wasn't planning to buy orange. Wasn't about to pay thirty dollars for them either! But last visit to IKEA yielded great reward. We had a credit there and were able to get a few things. These shades had been clearanced down to $15! The orange ones wanted me to take them home, so, I snatched em right up.

This goofy fake palm tree has traveled from house to house with us. We shuffle it from room to room, hoping it will fit somewhere... but it may be time to say goodbye. Sniff.

The baby snuck into this photo. Love him!

This pillow is another score from the GW and, at first I thought it was UGLY. It kinda looks like someone's macrame' project from the 7o's. I tried to walk away, but I couldn't escape it. Now, in my room, it reminds me of the sun rising.

The seven year old (WHA?!) snuck into this photo. She is never far from the baby.

{The Living Room, Part 2}

My living room is slowly but surely feeling more put together. This arrangement is directly facing the front door. We painted the table and mirror to match. I had intended to hang that plastic chandelier in the girls room in our last house, but never did it. It had pink "crystals." I decided to unstring the pink crystals and spray paint them the same dark teal/peacock colour that I used in my room.

Dried hydrangeas from my Mom's yard. Glittery pumpkin from a sweet friend. I like bling!

A closer look. Again, the photo is not showing the true teal colour. Humpf!

Another sweet deal from IKEA... the rug. It was on clearance also, and for its size, it was a fabulous price. See the new pillows on the couch? They are actually a midnight blue and ONLY five bucks! I love deals! And pillows! We sold the blue swivel chairs and just threw some faux fur over some old wooden chairs from my grandparents. Not the most comfortable, but will do for now.

Pretty rug.

Another girlie snuck into my photo. This one has dimples! The silhouette in the background is my seven year old again. I love that she has stepped up and is now my dish washer!

I really debated about the rug because of this patterned loveseat. But after a day of doubting my creative eye, I decided I was gonna just go with it! Be bold! The colours are almost the same and the patterns complement each other. The pillow was made by my sweet sewing sis and I LOVE it! That mix of patterns is perfect, in my opinion. Pair a floral or organic pattern with stripes. It always looks good. In one of my design magazines recently, I read that every room should have one spot of black. Hmm... the black glitter pumpkin and my stripey pillow will do.

Thanks for joining me for another tour!

~christa jean

My Birth Story ~ 2011

{Me, days before baby was born. can't you tell I was ready to be done?!}

I knew it was coming.

I was so tempted to hide out in my house and not come out until he was born. The comments of "That baby hasn't come YET?" were starting to get on my nerves. Or maybe it was that people had been saying I looked ready to pop for two months...

Then there was the week I was put on a modified bed rest because of all the pressure I had been feeling "down there." I was ready then, but had to wait another three weeks.

It began at 2:30 am on August 27th.. Six or more contractions right on top of each other hit me strong with no warning. I immediately called my midwife because she was forty minutes away and every minute counted, considering my last birth took less than three hours.

I got up and began cleaning. We had been so good about having the house picked up every night, dishes put away, laundry put away. We were prepared. But not that night. So, I was putting laundry away and straightening up the bathroom, etc. Hey, don't laugh! I like order. AND I was having company over.

I felt a sense of excitement. I felt like this birth was going to be beautiful and glorious. I remember pausing by my bedside table at one point as my eye caught this quote on my journal, "Joy comes in the morning." I smiled. We were naming our baby Isaac, which means "Laughter" for a reason.

My Doula lived just five minutes away so she arrived first and began preparations for my midwife. During all this, my contractions were still strong but had slowed waaaaay down. As in, every eight to ten minutes apart.

My midwife arrived and lugged all of her gear in, which is a lot. Did you know that a midwife can suture and adminster oxygen and run an IV? She was ready! After checking all my vitals, she began unpacking.

I remember the first moment that I began to fear. My contractions had gotten to be so far apart. The thought came, "This is taking too long." I began to compare to my previous birth which was so precipitous. I guess I had expected, albeit wrongly, that this would be another "bing, bang, boom, whoa baby!" birth. The thought, "This is taking too long." then turned turned into "Something must be wrong."

Now, if you knew how much fear I had battled with during this whole pregnancy and how many times I prayed and repented for each specific fear, you would maybe think that the fear shouldn't be an issue anymore. At least, that is what I thought. I know what fear does to your body, especially in a birth. Your muscles tense up and your body begins to fight the birthing process. Been there, done that and that is why I fought so hard early on so that I would not have to deal with the fear in the middle of the process.

There were days during this pregnancy when I almost went into anxiety attacks. Anxiety is not just a disorder or a physical thing to be treated with pills, it is a battle with thoughts in the mind. It is fear. Or, even more accurate, a "spirit of fear." Evil spirits are named for their character. First Timothy 1:7 states, "For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind." When the fear would come upon me, I would begin to fight, first by recognizing it, then taking responsibility and then repenting for letting it in and renouncing it. I have found that if I entertain a fearful/anxious/worrisome thought, that I begin to agree with it. We are commanded to do this: "... bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ..." {2 Corinthians 10:5} Fear is not trusting God. It is unbelief and ultimately a sin {Romans 21:8}. Sounds harsh, but for me who has been under fear's influence my whole life, I have to take a hard line against it.

Okay, back to my story!

I decided it was time to get into the birthing tub. I needed to relax my body. I wondered if the soothing, warm water would slow the labor down any more, but the opposite happened. My contractions began to speed up. Good, right? No. I began to dread each coming contraction and tense my body against them. And the fearful thoughts kept coming. Even as I began the pushing process, they were bombarding me. One said, "You're just gonna end up in the hospital anyway" another said, "The umbilical cord is going to be wrapped around his neck," yet another said, "You are failing." And the best one was, "I am NEVER doing this again!" Which is kinda funny. Doesn't every mom in the intense moment feel like this? But this thought was also based in fear because of the fear of pain. Can you believe that I was even worrying about whether or not we should have any more children? I have worried about what others would think of us if we did. Not saying we will... :-D

One of the best weapons against fear is the WORD. I finally felt the attack on my mind lift when I whispered, "Hide me in the shadow of Thy wings... " {Psalm 17:8}

At that point, I was near the end. I reached down to feel his fuzzy head. There he was. Finally! We brought him out of the water and he wouldn't breathe. Literally, for what felt like forever we were trying to get him to take his first breath. It was really only a minute, but he was being so stubborn with his little lips all pursed shut.

All went smoothly from there, but for an intense struggle I had with myself later in the day. I really felt like I had failed at being strong. I began to join my voice with my Accuser's and believe it. I had let the fear back in and was not able to overcome it until the very end. The attack had been too strong.

When I think back to those fearing thoughts that were bombarding me, they sound so ludicrous. But in my weakness, they came in and got a hold on me. The enemy had planned to steal my joy and almost succeeded. It wasn't til a week later at a check-up with my midwife that I realized how wonderful my birth had been (aside from the mind wars). From start to finish, it was only four hours! My midwife informed me that the bag of waters had never broken and so, when baby came out, she had to break it from around his head. This was a rare thing she said, and made for such a gentle entry for baby. Gee, that was so nice of me to do that for him. Hahaha.

I am so thankful that I am being perfected in His love because, "... perfect love casts out all fear..." {1 John 4:18}

{Welcome Baby Isaac!}

{Newborn}
{One Month}

{Two Months, swimming in a sea of fur}

{Such sweet cheeks!}

{Tiny baby hands} {That he is with the signature Cheston baby chin}

{Crazy action shot with brother}

{Lovin' this!}

~ christa jean

Long time, no see!

I've been putting off posting for a while now, not because I don't have anything to say, quite the contrary! I have TOO much to say and TOO little blogging time.

Since my last post, I had a baby. Yay me! Hence, the other reason I've been procrastinating. I wanted my first post back to be his birth story, but, alas, every time I think about sitting down to pen it, I get lost in thought about it all. I am still processing the whole experience.

So, as I drag my feet on that, let me just give you some photos to browse.


Here is the newest little man, born at... honestly, I don't remember what time, on August 27th (four days after my birthday, what a treat!). He was 8lbs, 13oz. and had a big noggin!

Welcome Baby Isaac!

They come out of the womb with such razor sharp little nails! Poor little face! But pretty blue eyes. Hope they stay that way!

Baby Bros. Big brother is very protective of him, but tries to pick him up when I'm not looking. So, I look.

Here he is, chillin' to tunes on Gracie's keyboard.

Now we come to some randomness. I look at these photos and chuckle. This is what you do when you are SOOOO done being pregnant. You paint random objects about the house. At least, that's what I did.

We found this chair at the GW years ago. I thought it might need a little "livening up."

This is the color I was gonna paint in our master bedroom. Decided to try it on a chair instead.

I don't much love the finished product, although, I think it's unique and even a bit whimsical. I have a pearlescent glaze I may paint over the aqua... not sure yet.

This cute towel stand was originally black (drat that I forgot to take a "before" shot!). I like it much better white. And I *heart* spray paint! It makes me happy.

I used these pom poms at a baby shower and then decided they would be super cute in my girls room. Makes the ugly ceiling light almost unnoticeable. Fist pump!

My youngest two girls sleep on the bunks. They each got to choose their own comforters from, can you guess? IKEA, of course.

This is my oldest's sweet bed. Can you tell that the walls are pink? I chose a pink that almost looks white. Love it! Still pondering what to put on the bare walls.

We finally got our "gallery" started in the hallway. Still waiting on the boy's photos.

Here is another paint project that I neglected to take "before" pics of. It was black, much cuter as white now.

Pour me some cold milk and give me a brownie. Perfection!

We bought this island at IKEA as well. The front is super cute, with lots of white drawers that, now, I'll have to take a photo of.

Here's my Hunka Hunka Husband attaching the top of the bar. I love him to bits.

I think I'm gonna paint the barstools something unexpected. Maybe cobalt blue.

The finished product!

This is me, right before baby was born, very large and too tired to put make-up on.

I am trying to model this new hairstyle that my sis showed me. My husband said I look like Pocahontas from the 70's. Not sure if that's a compliment?

This hairstyle is super easy. Just pop an elastic head band on top of your partially dry hair, all hippie like, then begin twisting portions and tucking them into the band, pulling them down under. It's best to twist away from your face. Wrap all the way down to the back and let dry. I braided the rest of my hair so that it would have that twisted look also.

The back looks like this! It's even cute enough as is to go out in public.

Couldn't get a great shot of the finished result (you know, the old "taking pictures of myself again" routine), but trust me when I say, it's an easy do that gives you flirty waves!

And that's that for now.

Be back soon!

~christa jean