When Your Best Efforts Seem to Fail.

Sometimes I think I measure my life by my failures. The moments I have failed add up to hours add up to days add up to weeks add up to months add up to years add up to a lifetime of despair and hopelessness. Sounds like a morbid existence to me.

An existence that is certainly fading into the past. 

A few months back, I had the opportunity to deliver a meal to a family who had just had a new baby. I had all the ingredients in my cart for a delicious four course dinner. Stroll through the checkout line. Panic because I can't find my wallet. Quickly recall my beloved toddler taking it out of my purse and bringing it to me on the couch. Yes, there it sits. I can see it in my mind's eye. Embarrassed. Drive away without my groceries, go find said wallet and drive back to the store. With five kids.

That is a small mistake, but one that would affect me as a failure anyway. It would add to the case built against me that I am a floundering, disorganized, chaotic mother who struggles. Who struggles keeping the laundry from looming like an unsurmountable peak. Who stomps her foot like a two year old. Who hollers. Who can't seem to blog to save her life (I know, epic world problems, y'all) and when she does try to blog, she ends up wasting half a day. Who looks forward to bedtime and sometimes rushes through it. Who pushes the snooze button too many times. Who can't seem to plan meals for more than a week and then goes to the store and can't stick within the budget allotted to her. Who goes to buy ingredients for a blessing meal and ends up spending $100 for just one meal?

Whoever built this case against me anyway? And why was it given any legal ground?

There is one who is named Accuser, Deceiver, Hater. He preys upon our minds when given an entrance.

Why do I even listen to him?

Oh, I know! He speaks in half truths. So, the thoughts seem to be true projections of what I really already am and what I am stuck being.

There was a moment of revelation that I had a while back. (Cue Lightning Bolt!) I was turning in to bed for the night and the thoughts of my day were passing through my head. Nay, they were the thoughts of every. single. thing I had done wrong that day. I realized in that moment, that I listened to these same thoughts just about every night. It was like scrolling down a list, "Did that wrong, check. Was too harsh there, yup. Missed that opportunity, gosh. Totally flipped out over that minuscule thing, dang it!"

My old pattern would have been to flow from these thoughts into hatred toward myself.

The thoughts of "I hate what I do" would very quickly morph into, "I hate who I am."

When I begin to hate who I am - my very existence - I begin to hate the I AM, who created my very existence.

Now, I am not saying that I should totally ignore these thoughts that come to me in the night, some of them did need my attention, some of them were real sins. Some needed attentive repentance. And, friends? Repentance in humility breaks the back of the enemy. That case will no longer have any legal grounds to torment you. "Father, forgive me, I did not treasure the gifts you have given me today. I did not love the least of these. I was self-serving. I repent..."

What I am saying is I must shut up the voice of the Accuser in my mind. Holy Spirit conviction is one thing, it leads to repentance. Condemnation is another thing, and it only leads to spiritual death.

Remember beautiful Ann and her perpetual counting of daily gifts and how it makes you 25% happier? 

The next day I woke up and decided that I needed to rehearse what GOOD things I have done during the day.

Here are a few of my recent ones:

~ Crafts done with my girls, check!

~ Letting the girls decorate for fall and not trying to CONTROL EVERYTHING!

~ Read books to the neglected four year old.

~ Took the time at bedtime with the one who always wants more time

~ I posted some of the girl's jewelry in our little shop

~ I actually encouraged someone today!

Even better? Rehearsing the good things HE does!

~ He sets the lonely in families... {Psalm 68:6}

~ He will be with us always, even to the end of the age... {Matt 28:20}

~ His desire is for NONE to perish... {2 Peter 3:9}

~ He loves to give good gifts... {James 1:16-18}

~ He does not leave us helpless... {Hebrews 13:5}

That list? Barely scratches the surface.

Phew. Take a breath. Breathe in His grace and mercy.

Have you been listening to the Accuser too? It's time to stop.

"Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things."

{Phil 4:8}

How do we overcome this venomous enemy? We listen to the truth. We wash our brains in the cleansing flow.

When you feel like a failure, fall into His arms. 

Take that list of wrongs done by you, repent for what you need to, forgive yourself, receive His forgiveness, command that evil voice to leave in Jesus name.

Christ-in-you-the-hope-of-glory? Yeah, He never lets go.

~ christa jean

31 Days: Learning to Just BE... Hungry {Day 18}

Come to Me. 

 

{This gal's art is so lovely. She's got skills!}

 

Some times you find a thread in His Word, and when you follow it throughout, it brings you to a beautifully created masterpiece. And the mystery is too great to fully comprehend.

 

The following verses are just that, woven so masterfully together, for our sustenance.

 

"And He humbled you, and allowed you to hunger, and fed you with manna, which you knew not, neither did your fathers know; that He might make you know that man does not live by bread only, but by every word that proceeds out of the mouth of the Lord does man live."

{Deuteronomy 8:3}

 

"As the deer pants after the water brooks, so my soul after You, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God; when shall I come and appear before God? My tears have been my food day and night, while they continually say to me, 'Where is your God?'"

{Psalm 42:1-3}

 

"O God, You are my God; early will I seek You: my soul thirsts for You, my flesh longs for You in a dry and thirsty land, where no water is... "

{Psalm 63;1}

 

"Ho! Every one that thirsts, come you to the waters, and he that has no money; come you, buy, and eat; yes, come, buy wine [joy] and milk [nourishment] without money and without price. Wherefore do you spend money for that which is not bread? and your labor for that which satisfies not? hearken diligently to Me, and eat that which is good, and let your soul delight itself in fatness. Incline your ear, and come Me: hear, and your soul shall live; and I will make an everlasting covenant with you, even the sure mercies of David."

{Isaiah 55:1-3}

 

"Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness; for they shall be filled."

{Matthew 5:6}

 

"... But whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life."

{John 4:14}

 

"Labor not for the food which perishes, but for that food which endures to everlasting life, which the Son of man shall give to you; for Him has God the Father sealed... I AM the bread of life: he that comes to Me shall never hunger: and he that believes on Me shall never thirst."

{John 6:27, 35}

 

"If any man thirst, let him come to Me, and drink. He that believes on Me, as the scripture has said, out of his belly shall flow rivers of living water."

{John 7:37-38}

 

"It is done. I AM Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. I will give to him that is thirsty of the fountain of the water of life freely. He that overcomes shall inherit all things; and I will be his God, and he shall be My son."

{Revelation 21:6-7}

 

"And the Spirit and the bride say 'Come!' And let him that hears say, Come. And let him that is thirsty come. And whosoever will, let him take the water of life freely."

{Revelation 22:17}

 

I do not take credit for searching these out, my pastor did that. I am only choosing to share them for meditation purposes. I can see that I will be chewing on these for quite a while, letting them go down deep and make me full. Make me whole.

 

The coolest thing? After reading all these scriptures today, even our family devotions coincided...

"I lead you to places in My Word that feed your hungry soul. I give you the Living Water of My Presence. " {Jesus Calling, Oct 18th}

 

Taste and See that He really is GOOD!

 

I leave you with this song. I sing this all. the. time.

 

 

Come to Me.

 

~ christa jean ~
~~~

Wanna read from the beginning of my 31 Days? Go here to see the whole list.

Wanna see the 1200 other bloggers doing 31 Days? Check this out!

31 Days: Learning to Just BE... Still {Day 10}

Standing on the edge. Waiting patiently. Sometimes, not.

 

 

 

{what a sweet little shop!}

 

It has been almost 3 years since this little one passed us by. She went on ahead.

We'll meet up later.

I still cry when I see these little toes that will never walk this earth.

 

 

My sister. The ever hope-FULL, ever watch-FULL. Dreaming of the day.

 

 

Yes, there has been darkness. Confusion. Fear. Despair, at times. But, she has learned to fling herself on the mercy of Her Saviour. Her Helper. Her Warrior.

He is mighty in battle.

 

 

 

 

 

Today, marks a day of happy news!

 

It's a Girl!

 

He does indeed make all things new.

 

Now, there is just...

 

 

{free iphone wallpaper, here}

 

~ christa jean ~
~~~

Wanna read from the beginning of my 31 Days? Go here to see the whole list.

Wanna see the 1200 other bloggers doing 31 Days? Check this out!

Would you fall to pieces in the High Country?

I know I would.
Let me give you a peek at some glory. The pictures below are just a hint of what I see weekly here in my little part of the world. If you ask me how many pictures of pink mountains I have, I won't tell you. ;-D Because, for some reason, I keep taking pictures of them!
The following four shots all happened in the same day. I was meeting a friend for an early coffee/chat/prayer date and saw this...

Look real close (above), up in the right hand corner is the sliver moon again.

My favourites. And it all happened in seconds.

These are mere glimpses of what is to come.

He is good and He shows us daily, if we are awake enough to open our eyes.

Keep our eyes wide open, Lord.

~christa jean

Taste and See.

We've been busy! Remember in my last post (over a month ago, sheesh!) I told you that I might tell you what we've been doing the last few months?
Here's a small snapshot:
We were asked in July to prayerfully consider becoming leaders of the Children's Ministry at our church. We did prayerfully consider it, for, like, a minute. We knew right away that this was what Jesus, the lover of children, wanted us to do.

We prayed for direction. We liked the curriculum that was being used, but we were feeling nudges to go in a different direction.

In August we hosted our first informational meeting and had record numbers attending.
In September we held our first training meeting for teachers and assistants with record numbers attending.
In October we kicked off our new "program" (for lack of a better word) with a song and a dance (literally) and much fanfare.

Does it sound like I'm boasting? I hope not! But have you ever known that you were in the right place at the right time? That you were born for a certain something? Well, this is just a small piece of that certain "something" and definitely an opportunity that is for us for such a time as this. As we stepped forth in obedience, all the pieces began falling into place. He likes to bless us that way when we obey!

The cooooooolest piece of it all was a tiny little children's book that revolutionized my thinking. As I read through it, I cried and instantly sat down to "practice" some of it's principles.

The book is called "Children, Can You Hear Me?" by Brad Jersak. It is, in essence, a guidebook for kids to learn how to hear His voice daily. It has become a guidebook for me as well. The phrase that struck me the most, was this, "Children hear the Lord easier than anyone else. Virtually the only block that I encounter in them is their parents' own unbelief." Oof, ouch.



Here are some snippets I captured from the description:* Children, Can You Hear Me? trains kids to practice God's presence in their lives.
* Imagine raising an entire generation that hears God's voice every day!

I love that last line. I want that to be true for my children. I want them to hunger and thirst for righteousness. I want them to need to hear from their Creator, Saviour, Healer, Counselor every day. If they catch a glimpse of Him now at this young age, they will never want to turn away. As they begin to taste and see that the Lord is good and that He cares about every detail of their lives, then they will get a genuine knowledge of who He is. He is real. He is LIVING. He is not a dead or dead-beat God.

The following is a portion of one of my blog posts from our ministry website...

"You are the light of the world. You are children of light.

'For all of creation has been eagerly awaiting the day

when God will reveal who His children really are.'

{Romans 8:19}

The time is now.

Whether you are a child by age or a child at heart, you are a child created by God. Created to know Him. To know Him fully and to make Him fully known. How do we get to know our God? We communicate with Him, just as we would a dear, dear friend.

Friend says: 'How are you today?'
We reply: 'Well, ... ' and tell Friend all of our struggles, our hopes, our worries, our dreams.
Friend listens. Friend loves. Friend encourages.
Now it's our turn.
We say: 'And how are you doing, Friend?'
And He replies...
And we listen.

His words to us are life.

We believe God is calling all of us "kids" to be children of His Word.

WE DESIRE: To know the written Word deep in our hearts (it is mighty powerful, ya know!), through weekly memorization.
To know the spoken Word deep in our hearts (it is our lifeline!) by listening to His voice every day.

I know it is one of your greatest desires to see your children walking in His truth. How do we make that desire real? By helping them see that HE IS REAL! He cares about every little detail of their lives! Doesn't He know the number of hairs on their heads?!

His words to us are food.

'Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good

Blessed is the man that trusts in Him.'

{Psalm 34:8}

When our children get a genuine taste of a genuine friendship with Him, they will never hunger for anything else.

Let us daily seek together. Don't forget our challenge to you... Please seriously consider finding one evening a week that you gather with your family and pray, worship, and listen together.

The time is now.

All creation has been waiting for the revealing of the true sons and daughters of God.

It's time for a revolution.

You are the light of the world."

Let me tell you, we are putting this into practice in our family and it is changing us. When your children begin to see visions and pray scripture and dream dreams, then you know that He is on the move. We've also implemented a "Pray & Listen" time in our church kids classrooms. He is not silent, we were just not listening!

I could go on and on about what we've been seeing, but it's almost midnight so, I'll save that for another post. I don't want to be a grump in the morning!

I pray that you would be inspired today.
Speak, Lord, for Your servant is listening...

~christa jean