Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Not very pretty

An exerpt from my journal... slightly disjointed, be warned.

"Who can understand his errors?
Cleanse me from secret faults.
Keep back Your servant also from presumptuous sins;
Let them not have dominion over me.
Then I shall be blameless,
And I shall be innocent of great transgression.
Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart
Be acceptable in Your sight,
O LORD, my strength and my Redeemer."
~Psalm 19:12-14~

What have I been meditating on?
Who am I supposed to be?
Could I just slip into a crack and disappear?

Oh, fickle heart of mine!
You look too much to thyself!
Look up!
Fix your gaze on the One
Who makes all things good...
~~~~even you.

"You see the real me
hiding in my skin
broken from within.
Unveil me, completely
I'm loosening my grasp
There's no need to mask
my frailty
Because You see the real me...

Wonderful, beautiful
is what You see
when You look at me..."
~Natalie Grant~

I must will myself to believe this
I am wonderful to Him
I am beautiful to Him

Dear God! Please remove the dark clouds that so oft seem to surround.
Do bad things really come in 3's?
Someone said that and I'm kinda freakin'... know I shouldn't.

We've already experienced 2 very difficult things this year.
Now it could be that we are hurtling fast and steady towards more difficulty.

Dear God! Hear our petitions!
Must we face another test?
Must you chasten us more?

Maybe God removes a "gift" if it is standing in the way... He has a greater plan that I can not see. His chastening is preparation.

"May the Lord answer you in the day of trouble...
May He grant you according to your heart’s desire,
And fulfill all your purpose.
We will rejoice in your salvation,
And in the name of our God we will set up our banners!
May the LORD fulfill all your petitions.
Now I know that the LORD saves His anointed;
He will answer him from His holy heaven
With the saving strength of His right hand.
Save, Lord!
May the King answer us when we call."
~Psalm 20:1,4-6,9~
~christa jean


Youthful One said...

A wise young man shared with me yesterday his view of God amidst unexpected changes in his life.

He said it's like giving a plate of food to a baby, and then taking the plate away to cut up the food in bite-sized pieces. The baby is upset, he doesn't understand why his food has been removed from him. In due time, it is returned to him, ready for his consumption.

He believes God will give him exactly what he needs and desires, in due time.

Youthful One said...

I pray you know Him deeper in this time. I pray His peace will envelope you throughout every circumstance that comes.

Anonymous said...

Have you read The Shack? I think you would learn a lot from it. I did.

Youthful One said...

Oh my goodness.

After my last comment (on the follow-up post to this one), I read something else that seems so applicable.

I'm sorry, but I just have to share one more!

Dearly Beloved

Anonymous said...

Hi Christa,
I came across this verse (one of my favorites) and I thought you might like it too.

Philippians 4:8

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable...if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things.

Love you lots so many miles away,
I can't seem to log in today.