Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Our little bird flew away...

I lay awake last night with my thoughts wandering down odd trails... have you ever stopped mid-thought and thought, "Now, how did I get to this thought?!!" I'm not sure how I got to this thought, but it happened, and I couldn't stop thinking about it.

My little dead baby is lying down there in my backyard.

I know, I know. Such a morbid thought. Please, don't decide to ditch my blog and never come back yet! I promise, I won't always be this depressing! But, before I take another blogging step, I have to get this off my chest.

Dr. Seuss was divinely inspired when he penned: "A person is a person, no matter how small."

That little baby person was inside of me and would be growing right now if God didn't have other plans for her. I take comfort in the fact that all the days planned for her were written in God's book. It has only been just over a month since our loss, and I'm okay. Life happens and you just move on. I still cry sometimes, though.

I was 15 weeks along when I knew something was really wrong. The baby had died at week 9, how many weeks did I carry around a dead baby? You can do the math. To think that all that time, I thought she was alive and kicking... and she was not.

That silly doctor at the hospital said the baby wouldn't look like much at week 9, just a bunch of stringy gray and pink mass. But she was wrong. That baby came out and, although she was only an inch and a half, she still had little eyes and ears and arms and legs that were being formed. I call her a "she" because that is what I am accustomed to, she was too small to really confirm the sex.


The night before we went to the ultrasound appointment to determine if indeed our baby was really gone, I lay in bed thinking (I know, too much thinking). As I thought, I felt that I was given a name for the baby... Christine. Now, I had not planned on ever using that name for any of my daughters, it's not at the top of my list, but it would not leave my head. Of course, I had to get up and find out what it means... "Follower of Christ". That settled it.

She followed Christ all the way back up to heaven.

Our little bird flew away, straight into the arms of Jesus.

~ Christine Bird Cheston ~
Born February 26th, 2008

"To everything there is a season,
A time for every purpose under heaven:
A time to be born, And a time to die...
A time to weep, And a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, And a time to dance..."
~Ecclesiastes 3:1~

~christa jean

5 comments:

Brenna said...

Beautifully written, Christa. Christine has a wonderful mommy...

xoxoxo

DotBlogger said...

Beautiful.

The Vertner Family of Beaverton said...

Wow, God is good.... how kind he is to our hearts at such pain. I remember after our second miscarriage Shane said to Noah, that God had something great for that baby in heaven and He loves that baby more than we do - which must be alot! Love ya

Tiffany said...

Such a precious memory Christa. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.I don't think it is morbid. I think it is beautiful. Allow her life, and her death, to touch all of us.Speak freely.

Our tiny son's name is Paul Christian, which means "Little Follower of Christ". So they share a name and a home now:) Maybe they are climbing all over Jesus right now...

AmyCate said...

I'm bawling now. I hadn't heard the name yet and I love that God gave you the name for her. And when I saw that Bird was her middle name, .... it was so beautiful that it struck me right in my heart...and here I'm crying again. Thank you for sharing this with us.
Love you,
ames