Friday, May 30, 2008

Who is my Master?

Fear. That black word.

Fear, that which causes all sorts of evil. Worry, anger, depression to name a few.

I used to have such a debilitating fear when the dark of night would come, a fear of evil lurking inside and out. I would see things, hear things, dream things. I would wake my husband to go with me to the bathroom in the middle of the night because of this fear. I can gladly say that those days are past. I have not dealt with the terror at night for a few years now. It took a lot of prayer to get me to that point, a lot of calling on Jesus' Mighty Name.

So what is this new fear? Or has it been hiding in me all along?

The fear of rejection
The fear of being alone
The fear of failing
The fear of not having enough
The fear of loss

I lay in my bed during the quiet hours of the morning pondering this ugly, insidious beast called fear. By coincidence (or not!), I read these words today:

"All fear is rooted in the core belief that God’s Word won’t work... Fear leaves me because I rely on something that can’t fail—His promises." ~ Pastor Gregory Dickow

Is that what causes fear? Unbelief? I must ponder this some more.

Whilst I ponder, I beg you to pray for me. I know you all have your own things to pray for and think about... but even one small prayer will do.

Please pray that fear would not be my Master.
Especially as I near the dreaded week, week 9, the week when my last baby died.
Yes, I will be 9 weeks pregnant on Monday. I didn't want to tell anyone for fear that I would have to then tell of another loss. This fear has stolen my joy.

I do not wish to be mastered by fear, trepidation, apprehension... but I cannot do this alone. Will you stand with me in my weakness?

"Perfect Love casts out fear... " ~ 1 John 4:18

Thank you all.

~ christa jean

5 comments:

Youthful One said...

Standing.

Yes!

Kneeling.

Yes!

I understand how fear can steal your joy.

I was just reminded of John 15 - the whole chapter is quite wonderful, but I'm sure this is what brought me there:

"As the Father hath loved me, so have I loved you: continue ye in my love. If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love; even as I have kept my Father's commandments, and abide in his love. These things have I spoken unto you, that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be full."
(John 15:9-11)

I pray a strong overflowing of Jesus' love, afresh and anew. Overpowering, delighting, renewing LOVE refreshing, washing within and without.

April Reynolds said...

I just want you to know that in the my own mess of life right now, I am praying for you and your blog moved my heart. Alot lately I have to tell myself a hundred times a day that the nature of God never changes, He is good and faithful. We deal with fear so often and I believe it is because we lack the understanding of His nature, that He is with us, etc. I am so preaching to myself to...but this is our only hope that we throw ourselves on and trust in the never failing nature, goodness, and kindness of God towards us.

DotBlogger said...

Congratulations!
I, of course, will be praying.

Blessed Mama of 4 said...

That really is wonderful news (the pregnancy). Thank you for being bold enough to share so that we can stand together with you in prayer for this, and I believe that God will give you grace and peace. By bringing your fear to the light, Satan is loosing his grip. Your transparency is beautiful. Rest sweet Momma.

Sustainable Juice said...

" the Lord is my light and my salvation in whom shall I fear. The Lord is the strong tower in my life, in what shall I be afraid."

somewhere in psalms ( can't remember)