Fear. That black word.
Fear, that which causes all sorts of evil. Worry, anger, depression to name a few.
I used to have such a debilitating fear when the dark of night would come, a fear of evil lurking inside and out. I would see things, hear things, dream things. I would wake my husband to go with me to the bathroom in the middle of the night because of this fear. I can gladly say that those days are past. I have not dealt with the terror at night for a few years now. It took a lot of prayer to get me to that point, a lot of calling on Jesus' Mighty Name.
So what is this new fear? Or has it been hiding in me all along?
The fear of rejection
The fear of being alone
The fear of failing
The fear of not having enough
The fear of loss
I lay in my bed during the quiet hours of the morning pondering this ugly, insidious beast called fear. By coincidence (or not!), I read these words today:
"All fear is rooted in the core belief that God’s Word won’t work... Fear leaves me because I rely on something that can’t fail—His promises." ~ Pastor Gregory Dickow
Is that what causes fear? Unbelief? I must ponder this some more.
Whilst I ponder, I beg you to pray for me. I know you all have your own things to pray for and think about... but even one small prayer will do.
Please pray that fear would not be my Master.
Especially as I near the dreaded week, week 9, the week when my last baby died.
Yes, I will be 9 weeks pregnant on Monday. I didn't want to tell anyone for fear that I would have to then tell of another loss. This fear has stolen my joy.
I do not wish to be mastered by fear, trepidation, apprehension... but I cannot do this alone. Will you stand with me in my weakness?
"Perfect Love casts out fear... " ~ 1 John 4:18
Thank you all.
~ christa jean