Sunday, December 14, 2008


I've been progressing along in my pregnancy rather nicely, or not so nicely.

My countdown to baby on my sidebar says I still have 22 days to go... uhhh... Look at me! That is what I said today to my children who kept begging to go out and play in the snow (which is not common for these parts). I can hardly walk around on my own little legs in my own little house and they want me to go slippery-sliding out in the snow? Hmm? Not gonna happen.

But a few tears came to my eye as I watched them walk through our beautiful back yard, down through the trees to the school yard hills to sled with daddy. This may never happen here again. Here in this house, in this city. Sigh.

What will happen in this house, in this city, in this season will be memories made. Love shared. Heart strings strengthened. A new life born. Yes, in this very house where all our dreams have lived for almost 3 years. It is just a house. It is not our true home. It is just a shadow of the gloriousness that will await us on the other side.

I have to admit that this Christmas will be slightly bittersweet. It was Christmas day a year ago that we told family we were expecting.

I was 7 weeks along on Christmas day. I remember laying on the couch for 2 hours in the early evening feeling sickly.

Yep, here is me, taking pics of myself lying there like a true blog

I remember feeling little flutters of life that early. It was not more than 2 weeks later that the baby ceased to be alive. Yet I thought she was fine for 6 more weeks.

Nine weeks old, with little fingers and toes sprouting.
I do not hold onto her, she is in a beautiful place.
I look forward to this next little one who will surprise us with his mini man parts.
I look forward to what awaits my family, change does not scare me anymore.

The memories will always be with me, some sweet, some sour.
Funny how you don't realize how sweet the sweet moments are until you get some sour ones.

Uh oh, is she following in my footsteps? Ice Ice baby.

~ christa jean


Anonymous said...

Noooo, this makes me sad, at Christmas time, to talk of leaving. "Here" is a good place to be, with mothers, and sisters with babies, and family close. It is a blessed house to raise up children in.

Jenny said...

I am glad that "change does not scare you anymore". There is too much of it.

Enjoy your Christmas making new memories and not gripping onto sad ones.

Brenna said...

Ah yes, change can be bittersweet. But with each change comes discovery, wonder and growth. I have found that to be true in my own life. And new friends! If we'd stayed in Arizona, I never would have met you. How sad that would be!

Kismet said...

You will have a new life in the new year. It will herald in many new things and I hope they all bring you joy.

Merry Christmas.


angie said...

I wish it didn't take the bitter to make the sweet sweeter. Your baby bump is looking gorgeous.

Merry Christmas, and happy count down to baby. All of my kids were due in January....(the oldest three came in january, the youngest two November) so I remember being large with baby during the holidays. :)