The thought popped into his head, "I wonder if we'll end up moving to Washington."
"Did that really just come into my head? Crazy." he thought. "Well, if it's supposed to happen, I won't stop it and You'd have to convince my wife, God."
He forgot about it.
About a month later, while visiting his family in Washington, my sister-in-law said aloud the question that was on all their minds... "So, when are you guys moving up?"
My head whipped up and I laughed. In all the years we've been married, we would have never, I mean NEVER considered it
I have to admit, that in the beginning, as we began to truly ponder the possibility, I got rather excited. It had a been a rough year. Maybe I was excited because it would be my chance to run away. Start over. Clean slate.
You can't ever really run from the issues inside of you though.
After taking a month to think and talk and pray and fast, we believed that yes, indeedy, we should move. Finally, some direction, some answers! But then there was the waiting... and more waiting... and more waiting. Waiting for a job. Waiting for our house to sell. Waiting for something, anything to work the way we thought it should.
And with the waiting came the uncertainty.
It began in me and spread to him.
The longer it took for nothing to happen, the more doubtful I became. It sure didn't seem like doors were opening smoothly for us to glide on through.
Maybe we were wrong.
It's one thing to voice a concern, a hesitation... a husband and wife should be able to talk things out, looking at all the pros and cons, right? It's a totally different thing to voice doubts again and again, when you once were sure and your husband was sure and now you're making him unsure and anxious! I think there was a little bit of resentment that had snuck in also. Uh oh! Bad News Bears, for sure! I began to get huffy and resistant and well, you know that word... rhymes with itchy.
You could easily excuse my mood and say that I had good reason to act that way, my family is all here in town. Here is all I've ever known! Poor me.
But I know a little something (I'd better! After 10 years married!)... being content makes for a much more happy home than being contentious.
So, I prayed.
The dream came not long after I asked for help.
I saw my husband carrying me and running down green grassy hills and we were laughing together, a lot. It was a picture of joy and love and contentment and peace.
And I knew what it meant.
I decided to make a choice. I chose to allow my husband to carry me in this decision to move, believing, that in that place of being carried, I would find my joy and peace.
I did not just lay down like a doormat. I did not become a Stepford Wives freak. I know the word "submission" has awful connotations like that... no, I just made a choice to change my heart. Really! What else was I gonna do? Stay here with my parents?!
It was shortly after that, on a rare day when we had time to just sit and talk and pray together that Carter said out loud, "God, I just need You to tell me for certain right now what we are supposed to do!" Instantly, into his thoughts came the reference Deuteronomy 2:2. Sound familiar? Nope. Ha Ha. We had to look it up too.
This is what it said... still gives me goose bumps.
Gee, could You be any clearer?
I know now that if we had moved right after our decision to do so(last fall), if our house had sold and he had got a job and everything had fallen into place, I would not have been ready.
Maybe I would have been a brat for a really long time. Little eyes are watching and I'm so glad I learned to let go.
Could we be wrong? Sure, but I'm not going to worry about it. I know He makes all things work out for those who love Him.
I am responsible to keep my husband's heart and that's what I aim to do.
I still kinda hope we'll be back. ;-D
P.S. Here I am blogging when I should be packing. I think I'm gonna have to leave you for a couple of weeks until all the mayhem settles down. I'll be back!