Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Much Afraid

"There is no fear in love;

but perfect love casts out fear:

because fear has torment.

He that fears is not made perfect in love."

{1 John 4:18}

FEAR. That nasty beast.

I referred to it in My Birth Story ~ 2011. I do not like it. Rather, I despise it with a deep loathing. It can be as blatant as a sense of terror in the night, or it can masquerade as a "what if?" thought. It can come as an overwhelming sense of stress, or hide behide the mask of perfectionism. It can be anxious thoughts that you can't see past, or a feeling of dread or foreboding. Whichever form it chooses, it seeks to dominate.

Thankfully, there is One who is greater than fear. He despises our enemies even more than we do. In gentleness, He comes and reveals the things hidden in darkness, so that we may be free from those dark tyrants. The Holy Spirit holds the key to unlock the doors that open into the recesses of our minds. Those are the places that need the truth. He guides us into all truth, if we are willing.

Just over one year ago, I began to notice a strange fear in my dear Oli. She would get up to leave in the middle of a movie if she knew, or thought there might be any blood. She had made comments in the past about not ever wanting to have children. How sad this was to me. I didn't understand why. One day I asked her what was the reason? She said, because of the blood in childbirth. I began to ponder what may be the cause of this irrational fear. It began to really concern me. I didn't even pray about it, really, but God knew I needed an answer. In an instant, a picture, a memory, came to the forefront of my mind. I was taken back to a time in her life when we were having tests done on her. She needed bloodwork done, but because of her young age, the pediatrician wanted her strapped into a "papoose board" to avoid her thrashing legs as he drew four vials of blood.

I can still see in my mind's eye, the absolute terror in her eyes as she screamed. She didn't understand what was going on. Maybe she wondered why I wasn't helping her. That trauma opened the door to fear, as traumas usually do. The fear from that trauma was manifesting itself in her life as a fear of blood.

I knew what I needed to do. I needed to pray for her and rebuke that spirit of fear off of her in the mighty name of Jesus. Also, praying healing over the trauma in her memory. I spoke scripture over her, "For God did not give you a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind!" {2 Timothy 1:7} I helped her forgive the doctor for strapping her down. Even though she didn't really remember that, it had still affected her mind.

Do you believe prayer works?

Guess what happened? She began to get very interested in being a doctor. She bought her own first aid kit from the dollar store and carried it around with her at all times, adminstering bandages to any little scratch. She asked for a "doctor kit" for Christmas.

That fear of blood is totally gone now, thank You, Heavenly Father. She asks me all the time if we can adopt an orphan someday. I see now how the enemy of her soul wanted to pervert or even steal a gifting of hers. Maybe someday, she will be a doctor at an orphanage in a foreign country, giving of her life to those in need.

All because the truth was revealed.

~ christa jean


Danielle Renee said...

Even at her young age, she truly has a mother's heart. She's a natural caregiver for sure.

Rachel- Once Upon a Farm said...

You have such a gift of wisdom and discernment, Christa! Thank you for sharing this... some realy good food for thought! Precious girly!