Monday, October 22, 2012

31 Days: Learning to Just BE... Wanted, Part 2 {Day 22}

There has not been one child of mine unwanted.
Our newest little peanut was a bit of a surprise (we were living with in-laws at the time, looking for our own house), but brought the joy of new life again.
{The beauty of home schoolin'... the pre-schooler can show up barefoot.}
I always wanted to be a mommy when I was younger. I got to practice on my little sis.
{I was 10 or 11 here, with my "baby"}
Then I became a mother. For the first couple of years I thought I was doing a darn good job. And then the bouts of anger began. I tried so hard to hide it behind the title of "Good Mother."
Though I still wanted each child as they came along, I stopped wanting ME as their mother. I was afraid of the monster that would rear it's ugly head.
I would see other mothers who were so loving to their children and hate who I was not. 
I began to wonder why God allowed me to even be a mother at all. Isn't there someone else who would treat these children the way they needed to be treated? As precious treasures? There were some very dark days, when I considered what it would be like if I were not alive anymore.
I have been slowly but surely accepting that God not only wanted me as the mother of these littles, He ordained it to be so.
And He will turn ALL things to good.
~ christa jean ~
Wanna read from the beginning of my 31 Days? Go here to see the whole list.
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