"Your hair is all stringy and hanging in your face, it doesn't look good." I am hissing in her face.
I am not proud of this moment.
I see something in myself.
I could use the excuse that my children need to learn better hygiene, or I could just own up to the truth. The truth that I think their appearances/ behaviour reflects back to me. The truth that I am embarrassed.
If you heard these words every day...
Don't be so messy.
Don't be such a troublemaker.
Don't be so noisy.
Don't be so selfish.
Don't be so ungrateful.
Don't be such a whiner.
What would you think about yourself?
Ask me to tell you good things about my children and I will name a few.
Ask me to tell you my children's weaknesses, and they flow freely from my tongue.
I am not proud of this.
I hear these words in my own head, constant reminders of my own weaknesses.
I need a brain washing. A renewing of my mind.
A mind renewed is powerful.
I see darkness. I am blind to the light in my children.
I need healing of these blind eyes.
Eyes that see fully are clear. Cleared.
"The light of the body is the eye: if therefore your eye be single [whole, healthy]. your whole body shall be full of light. But if your eye be evil [diseased], your whole body shall be full of darkness.
If therefore the light that is in you be darkness, how great is that darkness!"
{Matthew 6:22-23}
I am so thankfull for the Holy Spirit.
He comes to me in a gentle way and says, "Hey, you know when you spoke those harmful words to your daughter? Well, those words bruised her heart ... go make it right/"
What if I just started marking down the good? Wouldn't that change what I see?
"There be many [darn accusers] that say, 'Who will show us any good?'
Lord, lift up the light of your countenance upon us. You have put gladness in my heart,
more than in the time when their grain and wine increased."
{Psalm 4:6-7}
A harvest of thankfullness is what I want to bring forth.
No matter if my hair is a mess.
~
christa
jean ~
~~~
~~~
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2 comments:
This sounds a little too familiar. My father raised his voice a lot when I was a child and it is the one thing that I absolutely hated. And wouldn't you know, I have succumb to it myself. Being mama means hours of teaching and correcting over and over again and frustration is always mounting because yes I believe their actions and behavior are a reflection of the lousy job that I am doing. I find I am reacting to the frustration rather than responding to the lesson they do not seem to be getting and even then I need to remember that they are children. They don't get that there is significance to the lessons I'm teaching. As my mama tells me, I spend to much time talking. I need to keep it simple and consistent, have a response and a plan of action laid out and repeat it over and over until I am no longer reacting but responding. And maybe today is the day to start implementing this. God knows I need to stop yielding to frustration which are usually of my own making.
How many times have I said those words to my children too
And how many times I want to hold my tongue yet didn't
My #2 reminds me. I don't care why ppl think its what I think that matters. He's right.
But then again he's 14 and would wear the same shirt everyday if I let him haha
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